Another explosion ripped through a WalMart store in Houston last night, killing 27 and wounding at least 250. The FBI declared the bombings have been claimed by The Barbie Liberation Organization Now Destructive (BLOND) in an untraceable e-mail with demands to free the imprisoned former leader of The Barbie Liberation Organization (BLO), Barbie Sandrine and make Mattel restart their production of Barbie dolls. BLOND seems to be a splinter group that has separated itself from BLO and has turned to violence to try achieve its goals. BLO leader Barbie Sandrine was imprisoned early this year after throwing shoes at the Iraqi President Muntader al-Zaidi when he visited the US to draw attention to her cause, embarrassing the nation internationally. BLO has been active with non-violent demonstrations and actions since Mattel stopped its production after WalMart declared in 2011 it would no longer carry the famed dolls after studies had showed a direct link between kids who were exposed to the dolls and eating disorders.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Series of WalMart Bombings Claimed by Barbie Liberation Organization Splinter Group - Houston, TX, April 27 2013
Thursday, October 2, 2008
McDonald's "Incredible" Popularity Reveals Rigged Portion Size Scanners - Des Plaines, Ill, November 12 2017
Des Plaines PD have arrested several high ranking managers, including the CEO and CFO and several board members at the corporate headquarters of McDonald's. In an era where most fast-food franchises are struggling and many of them have gone under resulting from the enforced installation of Portion-Size Scanners (PSS) in all fast-food operations by the Meal Size Reduction Act, people have always wondered what the special "ingredient" was that has been maintaining McDonald's growth while others had to downsize or even go belly-up (BK, In-N-Out). The special Nutrition Investigation Task Force (NITF) of the FBI declared to have been leading up to this bust for several months when one of their investigators followed up on a CDC study that showed that regular McDonald's visitors were significantly heavier than control groups (regular KFC, DQ and Jack in the Box visitors). His investigation started pointing to the PSS machines at McDonald's restaurants around the country to explain how people still got fatter after being fully "portionated". A spokesman of NITF stated that the PSS machines, that read how much you can individually be served (calculated by Body Mass Index, blood sugar and fat percentage tracked by a subcutaneous nano-analyzer), showed to have been systematically tempered with at McDonald's to serve more than 25% more than the FDA's allowed portions, thereby explaining the popularity and success of the fast-food chain. Ronald McDonald will have a lot of explaining to do as to why portions will be downsized for their customers.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
US Sits On Top Of Largest Oil Reserve – London, England, May 12 2083
The discovery of a deep-oil reserve in Wyoming last week has been estimated to be the largest oil reserve on the planet. According to oil specialists from OPEC, the reserve is twice the size of the currently known oil reserves worldwide. The White House said it was excited and said it would put the US back on the map as a world power after dropping to the 17th place on the world gross domestic list just behind the Netherlands at the end of 2082. Iranian, Russian and Chinese oil companies are lining up to acquire the lucrative contract to exploit the new black gold reserves. The US will without doubt need outside help from leading oil producing countries to finance and organize this massive oil drilling effort.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Scientist Disappears While Working on Large Hadron Collider at CERN – Geneva, 19 August 2011
One of the team members of the research group that is working with the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) was reported missing in action this morning in a press bulletin issued this morning by the CERN press office in Geneva. Security officials stated that it is impossible that he would have been able to leave the facility without leaving any records: "He should still be in the building, but he isn’t." The researcher was working on the creation of Micro Black Holes and the Higgs Boson (AKA as the "God Particle").
Friday, August 29, 2008
First "Living" Head To Turn One Hundred - Nagasaki, March 7 2233
Friday, July 11, 2008
Virtual Serial Rapist Gets Sentenced to Death IRL – Portland, Or, June 17 2042
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Geoengineering Gone Wrong: UN Finally Admits Responsibility – New York, NY, June 25 2028
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Reversing Tumoring Body Art Causes Cancer – Miami, FL, November 12 2014
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Fear of Arctic War Grows, Danish and Russian Fleets Clash – Copenhagen, 23 June 2017
Copenhagen has admitted Danish warships were responsible for the sinking of the Russian frigate Czar Putin in the Arctic Sea. The commander of the Danish Destroyer Prince Frederik declared the vessel was in Danish territorial waters off the coast of Greenland and had ignored multiple warnings. The Danish press release also stated it regretted the sinking of the ship and the loss of the Russian crew and that first shots were meant as deterrence only. Once the Russians started returning fire there was no other option than to target the ship itself, concluded the press release. Russian warships of the Northern Fleet are steaming up towards the area from bases all over Russia while the US is doing the same to come the aid of their Danish ally. The Canadian and Norwegian governments have not yet responded but are expected to support the Russian fleet in their effort as agreed upon by the Russo-Canadian Pact of 2015. The Arctic waters have been a region of tension ever since the rapid melting of the Arctic ice cap became a concern and an opportunity and the Ilulissat Declaration and more seriously after the failed Arctic Sea Summit of 2013. The region has been estimated to contain 25% of the remaining world supply of oil and natural gas. The UN and NATO are calling for a ceasefire and warn involved parties not to escalate the situation and go through the proper UN procedures to resolve the issue.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Government Admits Obesity Prevention Scandal - Washington DC, September 12 2012
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Google Inc. Free Computer Program hits 5 Million – Mountain View, CA, April 17 2011
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Giant Gourmet Steak Leaves 13 Dead, 72 Hospitalized – Anaconda, MT, July 20 2033
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
"Human Cat Diet" Turns Out Disastrous For Felines – Atlantic City, June 7 2013
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Gas/Food Price Rage: Ethanol Gas Stations Become Target of Arson Nationwide – Detroit, MI, April 15 2009
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
US Pays Off China Debt By Destroying 75% Of Nuclear Arsenal – Beijing, China, October 17 2018
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Teenager Gets Fried in Electro-suit – Tokyo, Japan, January 10 2015
TechnoTraveller, the Tokyo company that was making furor on the stock markets for the last months has recalled all of its 12 million Electro-suits after a teenager was found dead in a Tokyo park. The unfortunate youngster’s solar electro-suit, while powering his laptop, cell phone, iZune and Thermo-sweater malfunctioned and directed all the sun-powered energy to the Thermo-sweater. Built-in feedback systems that should have prevented such an event did not work appropriately and the Thermo-sweater function will from now on be disabled in the product, a TechnoTraveller spokesperson declared in a company press bulletin. The company’s hot selling item was the driving force behind TechnoTraveller’s dethroning of Google as Wall Street’s darling finding a need for cheap power on the road to fuel all electronic portable devices and warming people in cold climates by using high-efficient solar fuel cells weaved into a suit. TechnoTraveller stocks plummeted by more than 55%. The press bulletin further stated that although the recall will decrease profits and losing the Thermo-sweater feature will impact sales, there is no need for panic by shareholders and the future of solar clothing is still looking bright. The Tokyo coroner performing the autopsy is still trying to establish whether the cause of death was sixth-degree burns or electrocution.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Spanking and "The Belt" Get Reinstated In 17 More States - Lincoln, Nebraska, November 19 2015
Six months after Texas reinstated spanking and giving children "The Belt" as disciplinary tools, 17 states have followed suit, including larger states like California and Virginia. The newly legalized forms of these ways of corporal punishment are very strictly defined in the “Spanking Bill” that has been passed by the Texas legislature early this year and has been adopted without amendments by the other states. Parents and teachers are required to take a 4 hour course to become certified to make use of these correctional educational methods. Only with this certification is it allowed to apply these ways of disciplining for:
Anything outside these limitations or not following the strict guidelines set by the Spanking Bill will make people subject to the "Sally Lieber Law", as it has become known as, a federal law that got accepted in 2009 and evolved from fining people who were practicing spanking to an minimum sentence of 2 years in prison after amendments in 2010. States have been looking for ways to opt out of this law, especially after studies in 2011 showed that households were being disrupted by this law, with sometimes one, sometimes both parents having to spend time in jail resulting in a spiraling down effect for families towards poverty and in many cases "other" forms of crime. The certification course is fully booked in Texas for the coming two years and the state is looking for expansion of their program into many locations statewide to try and keep up with demand.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Antique, intact IKEA "Billy" bookcase sells for 10 billion dollar – London, England, April 5th 2123
Sotheby's in
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Caffeinated Burger Turns Out To Be Bestseller - Brussels, Belgium, September 18 2011
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Hamburger Gluttons Lose Favorite Spot - Orinda CA, March 3 2012
Last year's gold medal winner in the State of the Burger Award, Hanson's Honest Burgers, located in Downtown Orinda, was shut down by a FDA food inspector. Howard Hanson, the owner of the locally praised burger establishment was taken into custody by the Orinda PD. He was out on bail two hours later. A police official declared Hanson has been charged with acts of food poisoning and serving illegal substances. The health inspector declared he had been served hamburger patties that contained twice the amount of trans fat that can be served in restaurants. Hanson stated that this was a clear case of provocation by the food inspector as the food inspector specifically asked for "Nevada Style" beef. Hanson stated he always has a personal stash of Nevada Style import beef that he eats after his work is done. 'I hope people can still serve themselves what they want in this country', was his response as he was on his way to seek legal counseling and file a lawsuit against the California State Health Department. In the meanwhile the burger craving population of
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Garbage Island Reaches Out to the World – Seoul, South Korea, April 25 2088
For the first time in its short history has the Great Pacific Garbage Patch reached out to the outside world for help. The island build on the huge patch of drifting garbage that gets collected by the North Pacific Gyre in the