Thursday, July 8, 2010

Netherlands recalls diplomats after Germany proceeds with Paul the Octopus predicting the World Cup winner - Amsterdam, The Netherlands July 09 2010

After the refusal by the German government to honor a request by the Dutch crown prince Willem Alexander to not jinx the world cup final between the Netherlands and Spain by having Paul the Octopus from the Oberhausen Zoo predict the winner,the Netherlands has recalled all its diplomats from Germany.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

NHTSA Forces Car Makers to Install Engine Noise Simluation Devices on Electric Cars – Detroit, MI May 3 2015

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has decided to instate new federal regulations on electric cars after a 17th lethal car vs. pedestrian collision was ruled to have been caused by the fact that engines of electric cars are silent. From August 30th 2015 electric cars will have to be equipped retroactively with a sound producing device to resemble the noise that conventional combustion engines make. Car makers have announced they will take legal steps to appeal the decision. NTHSA CEO Mark Barnes responded he was not surprised to receive heat from car makers, but made clear that public safety is top priority within the agency and stated: “Electric cars are killing Americans on our streets and we have the power to stop it. If that results in the biggest recall in the history of the automotive industry, so be it!”

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Augmented-Reality Specs Become Mandatory in California Supermarkets – Nov 17 2017

After the failed policy known as “What You (Can’t) See Is What You Eat” by major health insurers across the state of California intended to combat obesity, they have now lobbied through a bill that will make it mandatory for shoppers to wear calorie exposing Augmented Reality Goggles (ARG’s) when they shop in most supermarkets across the state. The “What You (Can’t) See Is What You Eat” program started in late 2016 before the holiday season and encompassed sending ARG’s out to every home in the state. The glasses reveal when looking at food items what amount of calories are in the food products and where they come from, how much energy was used manufacturing, packaging and transporting the item and how much environmental breakdown units (ebu’s) it will contribute. The program was a failure as Californians were not required to wear the ARG’s and just weren’t used. Starting from tomorrow consumers are required to wear them in all major supermarkets chains. Entry will denied by HIOC’s (health insurance compliance officers) outside supermarkets and HIOC’s inside will police customers to make sure the ARG’s are being worn. The supermarkets reluctantly agreed to the for them disadvantageous program as part of a settlement from a lawsuit from health insurers to seek refunds for costs made for treating obesity and diseases linked to obesity making the case that supermarkets have been selling food products (about 35% of all products) knowing they were linked to obesity revealed by internal studies. Three large supermarkets on the East coast have gone under by not settling similar lawsuits. Supermarkets are expecting many to start shopping for groceries online. Health insurers are working on a separate push to have all food items online labeled with pop-ups that are similar to what people see through ARG’s.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

iJoke Faces Class Action Over iThrow iPhone App – Palo Alto, CA Sep 13 2010

A Davis, CA based law firm has filed a class action lawsuit against iJoke, the successful inventor of entertaining iPhone apps such as iPrank, iHeist and iBall. iThrow, the app launched by iJoke in May of this year will let people battle over who can throw their iPhone the farthest. The free app calculates the distance from the launching position after flight and impact using the built-in improved GPS and accelerometers. iJoke CEO Margin Scott said he was baffled by the claim and stated he had no idea people were foolish enough to try it. According to Margin Scott the app was put together in one night by an engineer after a company wine tasting event. The marketing team thought it would be a great joke and publicity stunt to release this app to draw attention to the company, but was never intended for people to actually use. He mentioned there is a clear “use at your own risk” disclaimer when installing the app. The law firm claims to have more than 700 ex-iPhone owners having had their iPhone destroyed from the use of iThrow and think they have a strong case. Apple distances itself from the app, but said it won’t ban the app from the iTunes Store. According to the latest iTunes metrics, the app has been downloaded 735023 times.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

US presidency will get auctioned off – Washington, DC May 24 2022

Photo courtesy of: Zieak

After having passed the constitutional amendment to sell the position of president, house and senate are passing bills to clear the way for having the highest bidder become the 50th president of the United States of America. After 14 years of trying to fix a struggling economy the US is paving the way to let money rule in the White House. Although bills are being crafted on how the auction will be conducted, some information has already leaked from the Treasury Department. There will be a minimum bid, which will be set to 1/3 of the national deficit and an agreement to reduce the remaining deficit by 50% at the end of the term, either by cutting costs (without lowering the standard of living and other to be determined social parameters) or paying it from their own personal wealth. A clause will be included that if the deficit is erased entirely after four years, automatic re-election will be granted. Although many Americans feel saddened to lose their democracy, this will assure them the country will be put back on a fiscally responsible path and give it a chance to recover and regain its position as a leading economic power. There are only eleven people known in the US with a net-worth to be able to take part in the auction. According to the memo at least three non-disclosed trillionaires have shown an initial interest. All eyes will be on Forbes Magazine next week when it publishes its new list of richest people. If the position is not filled by auction the president will be elected by the people as he has been since George Washington became the first in 1789.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Series of WalMart Bombings Claimed by Barbie Liberation Organization Splinter Group - Houston, TX, April 27 2013

Another explosion ripped through a WalMart store in Houston last night, killing 27 and wounding at least 250. The FBI declared the bombings have been claimed by The Barbie Liberation Organization Now Destructive (BLOND) in an untraceable e-mail with demands to free the imprisoned former leader of The Barbie Liberation Organization (BLO), Barbie Sandrine and make Mattel restart their production of Barbie dolls. BLOND seems to be a splinter group that has separated itself from BLO and has turned to violence to try achieve its goals. BLO leader Barbie Sandrine was imprisoned early this year after throwing shoes at the Iraqi President Muntader al-Zaidi when he visited the US to draw attention to her cause, embarrassing the nation internationally. BLO has been active with non-violent demonstrations and actions since Mattel stopped its production after WalMart declared in 2011 it would no longer carry the famed dolls after studies had showed a direct link between kids who were exposed to the dolls and eating disorders.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

McDonald's "Incredible" Popularity Reveals Rigged Portion Size Scanners - Des Plaines, Ill, November 12 2017

Des Plaines PD have arrested several high ranking managers, including the CEO and CFO and several board members at the corporate headquarters of McDonald's. In an era where most fast-food franchises are struggling and many of them have gone under resulting from the enforced installation of Portion-Size Scanners (PSS) in all fast-food operations by the Meal Size Reduction Act, people have always wondered what the special "ingredient" was that has been maintaining McDonald's growth while others had to downsize or even go belly-up (BK, In-N-Out). The special Nutrition Investigation Task Force (NITF) of the FBI declared to have been leading up to this bust for several months when one of their investigators followed up on a CDC study that showed that regular McDonald's visitors were significantly heavier than control groups (regular KFC, DQ and Jack in the Box visitors). His investigation started pointing to the PSS machines at McDonald's restaurants around the country to explain how people still got fatter after being fully "portionated". A spokesman of NITF stated that the PSS machines, that read how much you can individually be served (calculated by Body Mass Index, blood sugar and fat percentage tracked by a subcutaneous nano-analyzer), showed to have been systematically tempered with at McDonald's to serve more than 25% more than the FDA's allowed portions, thereby explaining the popularity and success of the fast-food chain. Ronald McDonald will have a lot of explaining to do as to why portions will be downsized for their customers.

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