Saturday, February 23, 2008

Hamburger Gluttons Lose Favorite Spot - Orinda CA, March 3 2012

Last year's gold medal winner in the State of the Burger Award, Hanson's Honest Burgers, located in Downtown Orinda, was shut down by a FDA food inspector. Howard Hanson, the owner of the locally praised burger establishment was taken into custody by the Orinda PD. He was out on bail two hours later. A police official declared Hanson has been charged with acts of food poisoning and serving illegal substances. The health inspector declared he had been served hamburger patties that contained twice the amount of trans fat that can be served in restaurants. Hanson stated that this was a clear case of provocation by the food inspector as the food inspector specifically asked for "Nevada Style" beef. Hanson stated he always has a personal stash of Nevada Style import beef that he eats after his work is done. 'I hope people can still serve themselves what they want in this country', was his response as he was on his way to seek legal counseling and file a lawsuit against the California State Health Department. In the meanwhile the burger craving population of Orinda will have to live without their favorite burger.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Garbage Island Reaches Out to the World – Seoul, South Korea, April 25 2088

For the first time in its short history has the Great Pacific Garbage Patch reached out to the outside world for help. The island build on the huge patch of drifting garbage that gets collected by the North Pacific Gyre in the Pacific Ocean is running out of space. Not only running out of space to build on, but also space for agricultural and energy needs. Most of the food and energy supply is based on the square mileage of drift area available to algae and plankton to settle on the bottom side of the various forms of flotsam and jetsam that get tagged onto the island by the Pacific Trash Vortex. The algae and plankton get collected by the inhabitants and are used either for consumption or to fuel power plants along the continent. The "Continent Council", as the group of worried scientists that has started this initiative has named itself, has send a request to the governments of all the countries that make up the Pacific Rim to stop destroying and recycling their collected waste but to simply dump it into the sea to help grow the island's size and in particular its sea-facing surface. Several countries, including South Korea and New Zealand have shown an interest into this opportunity to rethink their method of national waste management. The United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) has declared this is totally unacceptable and the damage to the Pacific Ocean's fragile environment could be disastrous. They are drawing up a resolution to block the proposed change of waste disposals in these interested countries and to see what measures could be taken to take actions against the small continent to make them retract their potentially damaging request. Garbage Island hasn't recognized any outside authority as of yet, including the United Nations, that on their part has officially recognized it as a continent in 2043. The UN declared that the continent reaching out to nations that are part of the UN has ended their status aparte as a rogue continent and will force them to become part of the family of nations that make up this world. All the countries that have shown an interest in 'helping out' and honoring this request outsource their waste management to poorer countries and is costing them a considerable part of their yearly budget. ----> Previous Post

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Two Divisions of Minutemen Merge into US Army – Houston TX, August 19 2022

The President today declared in a press conference that two divisions of the notorious Minutemen will merge into the US army. He signed the Special Troops Addition Bill that was passed by congress last month to help him meet the desired troops requirements in Mongolia near the Chinese border as advised by general Mervin. Democrats protested that the bill was not meant for this kind of enlistment but merely for hiring mercenaries outside of the country. The President stated his actions were covered in this bill. The Minutemen, a privately funded group of armed volunteers, initially created to hunt down illegal immigrants along the Mexican border at the beginning of this century and more recently known for their crackdown on gangs in inner metropolitan areas are known for their cruelty in action. Democrats were venting their fear that these undisciplined thugs will try and provoke the Chinese troops on the other side of the border. The Minutemen have stated on many occasions and in manifests that they think a war with China is desirable. The President defended this decision by stating that we need every good man that is willing to defend its country. Democrats responded jokingly and stated that they agreed and that 'good' should be better defined by the President. Senator DiCaprio asked the President if he was trying to start a war by his action. The President referred to his speech last weeks wherein he stated that a troop buildup is necessary to guarantee the existence of a free Mongolia. 40.000 troops will be merged into the US Army by this addition. The US Army will be billed by the Minuteman foundation, but the costs have not yet been disclosed as they are still under negotiation.

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