"Human Cat Diet" Turns Out Disastrous For Felines – Atlantic City, June 7 2013

The "Human Cat Diet” also known as the “Feline Regime” that became the newest diet rage in 2009 and dwindled into oblivion after disappointing long term results in 2012, seems to have also created a nasty problem for many of our feline friends. The Human Cat Diet was introduced by Simon Calstone, Nutrition Specialist at Petnut Foods in late 2008 and popularized by Dr. Phil in his TV show. The diet tried to follow a cat’s ideal nutritional regime applied to humans, with the underlying theory that we have been carnivores much longer than the carb-craving techno-agriculturists we have turned into when agriculture took off more than 12000 years ago. The diet involved eating animal based dry pellets during the day and one “wet” meal in the evening and lots of water all day, mimicking the food pattern that keeps cats lean. The pellets and wet meals were similar to what cats get to eat but geared towards the nutritional needs of humans. The diet showed good results for most people in the first 6 months with people losing on average more than 30 pounds. But it seemed like it was too much to keep up as a structural food pattern and the repetition of the boring, bland food would make people abandon the efforts and typically result in a net gain weight from the start of the diet. A secondary effect of this once trendy diet seems to be starting to hit our feline population hard worldwide. Former Human Cat Dieters and cat owners have started overfeeding their cats out of pity for the small amount of food they feel their cats should be given according to veterinarian’s directions. Apparently cat owner and ex-feline dieters, after having experienced themselves how much their pet friends are fed, have started compensating for their own bad experience while dieting. Studies have showed an increase of cat-obesity of 72% in former cat diet followers and only 2% (the average yearly increase over the last ten years) in non-cat diet followers. The American American Veterinary Medical Association will start alerting people with e-mails and through local SPCA’s to bring awareness to the health dangers and medical costs that could result from overfeeding cats.

Gas/Food Price Rage: Ethanol Gas Stations Become Target of Arson Nationwide – Detroit, MI, April 15 2009

As food prices continue to rise, the poorest in the nation have started venting their frustration from coast to coast. Last night the tally was 17, the number indicating the amount of gas stations carrying ethanol that were burned to the ground by the mob. It is still an upward trend, last month 23 gas stations were targeted, in comparison to 52 already this month with yesterday being a new all day record. Before 2006 the plans to start biofuel production to diminish the US dependency on foreign oil were hailed from all sides, from the rich to the poor, from republicans to democrats, from hippies to CEO’s. The paradigm started to shift quickly as food prices began to rise. The Food vs. Fuel debate was ignited late 2007/early 2008 when bioethanol fuel production started getting blamed for the rising world food prices. Worldwide there have been demonstrations and outbreaks of violence from food shortages. The US had not been affected in this way until three months ago when the first bioethanol gas station was burned to the ground after a demonstration against biofuel production turned sour. The McCain administration says their hands are tied, as Iraq and Venezuela are threatening with an oil embargo that could bring the nation to its knees. President McCain stated: “We need all the fuel we can get to keep our infrastructure and transport system from collapsing. We realize people are having problems feeding their families, but we are trying all we can to make sure people get through these difficult times. Or we can give in to foreign pressure, abandon our biofuel program and hand our nation over to the oil producing nations today. It is either giving up our independence or tightening the belt.” Left wing groups keep stressing the fact that the Americans stubbornly keep driving SUV’s and other gas guzzling cars while the US is not in a position to fuel these types of vehicles and quoted once again from the World Development Report 2008: “The grain required to fill the tank of a sports utility vehicle with ethanol (240 kg of maize for 100 liter ethanol) could feed one person for a year, so competition between food and fuel is real.” The federal government is hiring bodyguards from Blackwater to start a gas station protection program

US Pays Off China Debt By Destroying 75% Of Nuclear Arsenal – Beijing, China, October 17 2018

In a rare turn of events the Alaska – China Debt Deal was wiped off the table and a new treaty was drafted and signed in the early morning. After it was clear that the US resistance against selling Alaska to China was beyond negotiation the US delegation had to draft a new proposal. China had made it clear that this meeting needed to have some results to be able to eliminate part of the US debt, under threat of an embargo against the US, which would have left the once powerful nation spiraling down into an even bigger financial chaos leading to more food shortages and grinding the nation to a halt. Not only does the treaty require the US to destroy 75% of their nuclear arsenal, but it also prohibits the US to aim nuclear war heads at the Asian continent any longer. Chinese inspectors under supervision of the UN will have full access to the remaining American nuclear sites to verify this part of the treaty.

Teenager Gets Fried in Electro-suit – Tokyo, Japan, January 10 2015

TechnoTraveller, the Tokyo company that was making furor on the stock markets for the last months has recalled all of its 12 million Electro-suits after a teenager was found dead in a Tokyo park. The unfortunate youngster’s solar electro-suit, while powering his laptop, cell phone, iZune and Thermo-sweater malfunctioned and directed all the sun-powered energy to the Thermo-sweater. Built-in feedback systems that should have prevented such an event did not work appropriately and the Thermo-sweater function will from now on be disabled in the product, a TechnoTraveller spokesperson declared in a company press bulletin. The company’s hot selling item was the driving force behind TechnoTraveller’s dethroning of Google as Wall Street’s darling finding a need for cheap power on the road to fuel all electronic portable devices and warming people in cold climates by using high-efficient solar fuel cells weaved into a suit. TechnoTraveller stocks plummeted by more than 55%. The press bulletin further stated that although the recall will decrease profits and losing the Thermo-sweater feature will impact sales, there is no need for panic by shareholders and the future of solar clothing is still looking bright. The Tokyo coroner performing the autopsy is still trying to establish whether the cause of death was sixth-degree burns or electrocution.