Scientists Make Leap Forward in Zombie Virus Research - Oslo, Norway, January 2047

Scientists from three Universities on three continents have uncovered some of the fundamentals that seem to be the cause of the behavioral changes in patients infected with the RD-virus, among the public referred to as the Zombie Virus. Dr. Angelson of Oslo University, research coordinator for this project, stated today in a press conference that the virus seems to specifically target the higher brain functions that are associated with social behavior and empathy. Patients are often behaving like wild animals, without any signs of being socially aware of their environment. Other areas that seem to be affected are the brain center that causes fear and pain. Having lost the knowledge of how to feed themselves as we are used to, they look for the most abundant source of food around them; other humans. The virus seems to be highly infectious and has now been diagnosed on all five continents. Epidemiologists have been studying zombie movies like George Romero's Living Dead series in detail since the outbreak started three years ago. They are amazed at how accurately real life seems to be catching up with these movies, although we are not where 'Night of the Living Dead', the first installment of the series took off, yet...

Moon Jumping Contest on Phobos Leaves over 1000 People Missing - Mars Central, Mars, March 14 2223

The increasingly popular yearly Moon jumping contest on Phobos has left one man immensely wealthy and 1013 people lost in space. This year's edition also saw a maximum amount of contestants, over 25000. It seems more people are willing to risk their lives to become a billionaire overnight. Contest officials say this year people were again very creative making up devices to shoot them up into space ranging from springs, to hydraulic devices to fuel-driven contraptions, in an attempt to bring them as far from Phobos without escaping its gravitational pull. Gargoyle Swenson of Mars Central took the grand prize of a 100 billion Universal Credits this year. 'I am going to move to Earth and party for the rest of my life', was his comment. The contest is one of the few ways to leave Mars and its depressing mining towns. People have to save on average about 5 years to pay for the trip from Mars to Phobos. Phobos was the second extraterrestrial object to be colonized (in 2153) by humans and was used a stepping stone to develop Mars as a colony. Janet Grenache, this year's runner up told our reporter that this was the worst outcome and being asked if she would try again, she said she would never compete again. After this definite statement she left the press and bystanders in awe when she loaded her power spring boots at maximum tension and intentionally disappeared into the voids of outer space. In the Phobos Jumping Contest the winner takes it all.

Foie Gras Smugglers Get Sentenced to Life in Prison - Maastricht, The Netherlands, July 15 2015

Three French citizens have been sentenced to life in prison for attempting to smuggle 60 kilos of goose liver into the Netherlands. The trio was arrested after crossing the Dutch border from Belgium, where foie gras is not prohibited. The Dutch government raised the sentence from 20 years to life in prison in a controversial bill last year. This is the first time this harsh sentence has been given in the Netherlands for this offence. Chicago initiated the immer growing international ban on foie gras in 1996 as the first city to outlaw the delicacy. The Dutch judge admitted three lives are wrecked by this sentence, but according to the new law there was only one outcome possible. The highly successful 'Partij voor de Dieren' (Party for the Animals) who holds only 8 percent of the popular vote has been benefiting from the need for deals in the current Dutch minority government. As a single-issue party they have been able to push many of their issues through by deals with other parties in need of enough votes to have their own legislature pass. The French government has filed an official complaint with the European Parliament and is threatening to take the matter to the International Court, ironically situated in The Hague in The Netherlands. France also announced it will stop all cheese import and export to and from The Netherlands. The French foreign secretary declared: 'The French can certainly live without Dutch cheese, but the Dutch can't without French cheese.'

Old Tradition Puts Netherlands on US Black List - Washington DC, December 1 2024

The Netherlands, one of the oldest democracies in the world is black-listed (pun not intended) by the US government. Secretary of State Daren Powell stated President Jackson has cancelled his scheduled visit to the small country in the heart of Europe. The reason is that the Jackson administration can't visit a country where the most widely celebrated holiday is a tradition where a white bishop-like figure hands out toys to kids with help from black servants. Sinterklaas (Saint Nicolas), as the festive children's holiday is called, takes place on the fifth of December. An old grey haired red robed saint whose origin dates back to 12th century Turkey comes in his steamboat from Spain to reward children who have been 'good' with gifts. He is aided by a merry band of 'Zwarte Pieten' (Black Petes), men painted black with shoe polish and wearing black tights. They perform acrobatic tricks, traditionally behave dumber than average people and throw handfuls of candies whenever they get a chance. A press officer for the White House declared the President could not as an African-American visit a country were children are taught that colored people are the dim-witted servants of a white man. He stated that he and all Americans have been struggling and fighting for minorities' rights for too long to ignore this issue for the sake of international relations. 'What signal would the first black President of this country be sending to his voters and the rest of the world?', the White House official stated in the press conference. The Dutch Secretary of State tried to persuade the administration to reverse the decision, stating that it was an innocent custom that in no way teaches people race inequalities. 'They are fairy tale figures, just like Santa Claus' elves, and children do not associate them with people of color as many studies have pointed out.' He admitted inviting the first black US President to the Sinterklaas celebrations was maybe an unfortunate choice, but they just happened to coincide and it seemed an opportunity to show something culturally unique to the country. There have been discussions in the Netherlands about the Zwarte Pieten from the 1980's on. At some point the Zwarte Pieten were replaced by 'Rainbow Petes', their faces painted in all different colors. The Netherlands is threatening to withdraw their US ambassador.

Child Porn Cybercops Die in Bust-gone-bad Shoot-out – Peoria, IL, December 11 2008

In a bizarre incident two child porn cybercops who were both under the assumption that they were meeting with a potential sex offender ended up shooting each other. One was a local cybercop and the other with the Child Porn Task Force of the FBI. Both officers were unaware of each other's investigation. Eyewitnesses stated that both pulled their guns at the same time and both of them showed their badges. Neither officer was willing to put down their weapon. After a long silence one of them twitched and they both opened fire. 'It was just like High Noon', one of the bystanders told our reporter. Both were fatally wounded in the head and died at the scene. Their names have not been released by the local police or the FBI. Spokespersons for both institutions declared the loss of two good law officers an unfortunate incident with no one to blame. This re-opens the debate about a centralized crime investigation database once again.