Teenager Gets Fried in Electro-suit – Tokyo, Japan, January 10 2015

TechnoTraveller, the Tokyo company that was making furor on the stock markets for the last months has recalled all of its 12 million Electro-suits after a teenager was found dead in a Tokyo park. The unfortunate youngster’s solar electro-suit, while powering his laptop, cell phone, iZune and Thermo-sweater malfunctioned and directed all the sun-powered energy to the Thermo-sweater. Built-in feedback systems that should have prevented such an event did not work appropriately and the Thermo-sweater function will from now on be disabled in the product, a TechnoTraveller spokesperson declared in a company press bulletin. The company’s hot selling item was the driving force behind TechnoTraveller’s dethroning of Google as Wall Street’s darling finding a need for cheap power on the road to fuel all electronic portable devices and warming people in cold climates by using high-efficient solar fuel cells weaved into a suit. TechnoTraveller stocks plummeted by more than 55%. The press bulletin further stated that although the recall will decrease profits and losing the Thermo-sweater feature will impact sales, there is no need for panic by shareholders and the future of solar clothing is still looking bright. The Tokyo coroner performing the autopsy is still trying to establish whether the cause of death was sixth-degree burns or electrocution.

Spanking and "The Belt" Get Reinstated In 17 More States - Lincoln, Nebraska, November 19 2015

Six months after Texas reinstated spanking and giving children "The Belt" as disciplinary tools, 17 states have followed suit, including larger states like California and Virginia. The newly legalized forms of these ways of corporal punishment are very strictly defined in the “Spanking Bill” that has been passed by the Texas legislature early this year and has been adopted without amendments by the other states. Parents and teachers are required to take a 4 hour course to become certified to make use of these correctional educational methods. Only with this certification is it allowed to apply these ways of disciplining for:

• Parents - only with their own children.


• Teachers - only with their own students.

Anything outside these limitations or not following the strict guidelines set by the Spanking Bill will make people subject to the "Sally Lieber Law", as it has become known as, a federal law that got accepted in 2009 and evolved from fining people who were practicing spanking to an minimum sentence of 2 years in prison after amendments in 2010. States have been looking for ways to opt out of this law, especially after studies in 2011 showed that households were being disrupted by this law, with sometimes one, sometimes both parents having to spend time in jail resulting in a spiraling down effect for families towards poverty and in many cases "other" forms of crime. The certification course is fully booked in Texas for the coming two years and the state is looking for expansion of their program into many locations statewide to try and keep up with demand.

Antique, intact IKEA "Billy" bookcase sells for 10 billion dollar – London, England, April 5th 2123

Sotheby's in London was pleased to see an item change hands for 10 billion dollars. An anonymous bidder from China called in the final bid. He purchased a "faux wood" IKEA Billy bookcase in mint condition and still in its original boxes for the astonishing amount of a 1 with 10 zeros. In 2008, the same Billy would have sold for $ 59.99. The IKEA "Billy" line of bookcases was one of the best selling items when IKEA was the number one retailer in the world in the late 1990's and early part of the 21st Century. An estimated one in four households worldwide in 2031 was said to have one of these now extremely rare pieces of furniture. IKEA spiraled downwards in the second half of the 21st Century after trying to make the transition to all-plastic products after the UN All-plastic Resolution of 2143 forbade any company to make use of trees and plants in their products. Companies like PlastoFurn and SynthoDesign that were already geared towards all-plastic drove IKEA out of the market with amazing speed to its bankruptcy in 2087. In the early 2100's people started collecting IKEA furniture and products and collectors have been driving prices up dramatically to the insane level that was reached today.

Caffeinated Burger Turns Out To Be Bestseller - Brussels, Belgium, September 18 2011

Quick, the Belgian fast food chain, started in the 1980's to counter the exponential growth of US based franchise fast food restaurants in Belgium, announced today that their recently introduced 'Wake Up Giant', is their best selling breakfast item and their second best overall item after the classic Giant. A local owner of one of the no. 1 franchise restaurants in France and Belgium in downtown Lyon, said it was amazing to see sales levels this high so short after the introduction. People's first reactions to the new 'Slap in the Face Burger' as it has been marketed, was 'Gross!', 'Revolting!' and to the French 'American!' (an insult in itself in France). People rejected the seemingly impossible combination right out, afraid that it would taste horribly. Jean Dupuis, the Novelties Product Manager at the Quick Burger Gourmet Institute in Lyon, explained that the caffeine cannot be tasted in the burgers. He made clear the caffeine is encapsulated by fat beads in the burger through a patented method and could not reveal any of the chemical and technical details. 'Once the fat beads get dissolved by enzymes in the stomach, the caffeine is released and the "slap in the face effect" will kick in', according to Dupuis. The burgers contain triple the amount of a Starbucks regular medium coffee. In a response to the fact that this item seems to be replacing the "French as French can be" breakfast classic the croissant more and more, Dupuis stated: 'Hey, at least it is a European invention.' McDonald's has announced it will launch new breakfast items next month, insiders in the fast food industry think it will be an answer to Quick's new best seller.

Hamburger Gluttons Lose Favorite Spot - Orinda CA, March 3 2012

Last year's gold medal winner in the State of the Burger Award, Hanson's Honest Burgers, located in Downtown Orinda, was shut down by a FDA food inspector. Howard Hanson, the owner of the locally praised burger establishment was taken into custody by the Orinda PD. He was out on bail two hours later. A police official declared Hanson has been charged with acts of food poisoning and serving illegal substances. The health inspector declared he had been served hamburger patties that contained twice the amount of trans fat that can be served in restaurants. Hanson stated that this was a clear case of provocation by the food inspector as the food inspector specifically asked for "Nevada Style" beef. Hanson stated he always has a personal stash of Nevada Style import beef that he eats after his work is done. 'I hope people can still serve themselves what they want in this country', was his response as he was on his way to seek legal counseling and file a lawsuit against the California State Health Department. In the meanwhile the burger craving population of Orinda will have to live without their favorite burger.

Garbage Island Reaches Out to the World – Seoul, South Korea, April 25 2088

For the first time in its short history has the Great Pacific Garbage Patch reached out to the outside world for help. The island build on the huge patch of drifting garbage that gets collected by the North Pacific Gyre in the Pacific Ocean is running out of space. Not only running out of space to build on, but also space for agricultural and energy needs. Most of the food and energy supply is based on the square mileage of drift area available to algae and plankton to settle on the bottom side of the various forms of flotsam and jetsam that get tagged onto the island by the Pacific Trash Vortex. The algae and plankton get collected by the inhabitants and are used either for consumption or to fuel power plants along the continent. The "Continent Council", as the group of worried scientists that has started this initiative has named itself, has send a request to the governments of all the countries that make up the Pacific Rim to stop destroying and recycling their collected waste but to simply dump it into the sea to help grow the island's size and in particular its sea-facing surface. Several countries, including South Korea and New Zealand have shown an interest into this opportunity to rethink their method of national waste management. The United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) has declared this is totally unacceptable and the damage to the Pacific Ocean's fragile environment could be disastrous. They are drawing up a resolution to block the proposed change of waste disposals in these interested countries and to see what measures could be taken to take actions against the small continent to make them retract their potentially damaging request. Garbage Island hasn't recognized any outside authority as of yet, including the United Nations, that on their part has officially recognized it as a continent in 2043. The UN declared that the continent reaching out to nations that are part of the UN has ended their status aparte as a rogue continent and will force them to become part of the family of nations that make up this world. All the countries that have shown an interest in 'helping out' and honoring this request outsource their waste management to poorer countries and is costing them a considerable part of their yearly budget. ----> Previous Post

Two Divisions of Minutemen Merge into US Army – Houston TX, August 19 2022

The President today declared in a press conference that two divisions of the notorious Minutemen will merge into the US army. He signed the Special Troops Addition Bill that was passed by congress last month to help him meet the desired troops requirements in Mongolia near the Chinese border as advised by general Mervin. Democrats protested that the bill was not meant for this kind of enlistment but merely for hiring mercenaries outside of the country. The President stated his actions were covered in this bill. The Minutemen, a privately funded group of armed volunteers, initially created to hunt down illegal immigrants along the Mexican border at the beginning of this century and more recently known for their crackdown on gangs in inner metropolitan areas are known for their cruelty in action. Democrats were venting their fear that these undisciplined thugs will try and provoke the Chinese troops on the other side of the border. The Minutemen have stated on many occasions and in manifests that they think a war with China is desirable. The President defended this decision by stating that we need every good man that is willing to defend its country. Democrats responded jokingly and stated that they agreed and that 'good' should be better defined by the President. Senator DiCaprio asked the President if he was trying to start a war by his action. The President referred to his speech last weeks wherein he stated that a troop buildup is necessary to guarantee the existence of a free Mongolia. 40.000 troops will be merged into the US Army by this addition. The US Army will be billed by the Minuteman foundation, but the costs have not yet been disclosed as they are still under negotiation.