Giant Gourmet Steak Leaves 13 Dead, 72 Hospitalized – Anaconda, MT, July 20 2033

Adversaries of In Vitro Meat (IVM), or “Tube Meat” as it is listed under in the supermarkets, have been finally proven right by a gruesome bad-horror-movie-turned-reality in a small town in Idaho. One of ArtiMeat’s large truck size lab grown steak slabs developed the ability to move by contracting in a structured sequence. The giant muscular mass broke out of its incubator and out of the meat producing compound and went on a 3-hour rampage through the mid-size town of Anaconda, before the army could move and torch the mammoth gourmet steak with flame throwers, leaving 13 people dead, 72 seriously hospitalized and many buildings in ruins with millions in damage, reminiscent of old 1950’s horror B-movies like The Blob. Tube Meat has been around from the early 2010’s when the FDA approved the consumption of out-of-body meats in 2013 after a race between companies had been initiated by the PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) in 2008 by awarding a million dollars for the first company to bring Tube Meat to the market. Allegations that the meat was a health danger according to action groups heavily sponsored by cattle lobbyists have never been supported by studies. But the action groups now have ample ammunition to pursue their goal of banning Tube Meat. ArtiMeat is investigating what could have been the cause of turning the passive muscle mass into a moving havoc wreaking monster. John Slayer, a researcher at ArtiMeat said that the technical operations team has recorded a malfunction in the electric wiring of the incubator and this has made him suspect this resulted in a short circuit followed by electrocution of the monster steak making it start to contract and lead to its ruinous killing spree. In a rather ironic turn of events the small homeless population of Anaconda benefited from the incident. It gathered around the scene and started feasting upon the grilled monstrosity before the army could clear the area. One man’s death is another man’s dinner.

Hamburger Gluttons Lose Favorite Spot - Orinda CA, March 3 2012

Last year's gold medal winner in the State of the Burger Award, Hanson's Honest Burgers, located in Downtown Orinda, was shut down by a FDA food inspector. Howard Hanson, the owner of the locally praised burger establishment was taken into custody by the Orinda PD. He was out on bail two hours later. A police official declared Hanson has been charged with acts of food poisoning and serving illegal substances. The health inspector declared he had been served hamburger patties that contained twice the amount of trans fat that can be served in restaurants. Hanson stated that this was a clear case of provocation by the food inspector as the food inspector specifically asked for "Nevada Style" beef. Hanson stated he always has a personal stash of Nevada Style import beef that he eats after his work is done. 'I hope people can still serve themselves what they want in this country', was his response as he was on his way to seek legal counseling and file a lawsuit against the California State Health Department. In the meanwhile the burger craving population of Orinda will have to live without their favorite burger.