"Human Cat Diet" Turns Out Disastrous For Felines – Atlantic City, June 7 2013

The "Human Cat Diet” also known as the “Feline Regime” that became the newest diet rage in 2009 and dwindled into oblivion after disappointing long term results in 2012, seems to have also created a nasty problem for many of our feline friends. The Human Cat Diet was introduced by Simon Calstone, Nutrition Specialist at Petnut Foods in late 2008 and popularized by Dr. Phil in his TV show. The diet tried to follow a cat’s ideal nutritional regime applied to humans, with the underlying theory that we have been carnivores much longer than the carb-craving techno-agriculturists we have turned into when agriculture took off more than 12000 years ago. The diet involved eating animal based dry pellets during the day and one “wet” meal in the evening and lots of water all day, mimicking the food pattern that keeps cats lean. The pellets and wet meals were similar to what cats get to eat but geared towards the nutritional needs of humans. The diet showed good results for most people in the first 6 months with people losing on average more than 30 pounds. But it seemed like it was too much to keep up as a structural food pattern and the repetition of the boring, bland food would make people abandon the efforts and typically result in a net gain weight from the start of the diet. A secondary effect of this once trendy diet seems to be starting to hit our feline population hard worldwide. Former Human Cat Dieters and cat owners have started overfeeding their cats out of pity for the small amount of food they feel their cats should be given according to veterinarian’s directions. Apparently cat owner and ex-feline dieters, after having experienced themselves how much their pet friends are fed, have started compensating for their own bad experience while dieting. Studies have showed an increase of cat-obesity of 72% in former cat diet followers and only 2% (the average yearly increase over the last ten years) in non-cat diet followers. The American American Veterinary Medical Association will start alerting people with e-mails and through local SPCA’s to bring awareness to the health dangers and medical costs that could result from overfeeding cats.

Gas/Food Price Rage: Ethanol Gas Stations Become Target of Arson Nationwide – Detroit, MI, April 15 2009

As food prices continue to rise, the poorest in the nation have started venting their frustration from coast to coast. Last night the tally was 17, the number indicating the amount of gas stations carrying ethanol that were burned to the ground by the mob. It is still an upward trend, last month 23 gas stations were targeted, in comparison to 52 already this month with yesterday being a new all day record. Before 2006 the plans to start biofuel production to diminish the US dependency on foreign oil were hailed from all sides, from the rich to the poor, from republicans to democrats, from hippies to CEO’s. The paradigm started to shift quickly as food prices began to rise. The Food vs. Fuel debate was ignited late 2007/early 2008 when bioethanol fuel production started getting blamed for the rising world food prices. Worldwide there have been demonstrations and outbreaks of violence from food shortages. The US had not been affected in this way until three months ago when the first bioethanol gas station was burned to the ground after a demonstration against biofuel production turned sour. The McCain administration says their hands are tied, as Iraq and Venezuela are threatening with an oil embargo that could bring the nation to its knees. President McCain stated: “We need all the fuel we can get to keep our infrastructure and transport system from collapsing. We realize people are having problems feeding their families, but we are trying all we can to make sure people get through these difficult times. Or we can give in to foreign pressure, abandon our biofuel program and hand our nation over to the oil producing nations today. It is either giving up our independence or tightening the belt.” Left wing groups keep stressing the fact that the Americans stubbornly keep driving SUV’s and other gas guzzling cars while the US is not in a position to fuel these types of vehicles and quoted once again from the World Development Report 2008: “The grain required to fill the tank of a sports utility vehicle with ethanol (240 kg of maize for 100 liter ethanol) could feed one person for a year, so competition between food and fuel is real.” The federal government is hiring bodyguards from Blackwater to start a gas station protection program

US Pays Off China Debt By Destroying 75% Of Nuclear Arsenal – Beijing, China, October 17 2018

In a rare turn of events the Alaska – China Debt Deal was wiped off the table and a new treaty was drafted and signed in the early morning. After it was clear that the US resistance against selling Alaska to China was beyond negotiation the US delegation had to draft a new proposal. China had made it clear that this meeting needed to have some results to be able to eliminate part of the US debt, under threat of an embargo against the US, which would have left the once powerful nation spiraling down into an even bigger financial chaos leading to more food shortages and grinding the nation to a halt. Not only does the treaty require the US to destroy 75% of their nuclear arsenal, but it also prohibits the US to aim nuclear war heads at the Asian continent any longer. Chinese inspectors under supervision of the UN will have full access to the remaining American nuclear sites to verify this part of the treaty.

Teenager Gets Fried in Electro-suit – Tokyo, Japan, January 10 2015

TechnoTraveller, the Tokyo company that was making furor on the stock markets for the last months has recalled all of its 12 million Electro-suits after a teenager was found dead in a Tokyo park. The unfortunate youngster’s solar electro-suit, while powering his laptop, cell phone, iZune and Thermo-sweater malfunctioned and directed all the sun-powered energy to the Thermo-sweater. Built-in feedback systems that should have prevented such an event did not work appropriately and the Thermo-sweater function will from now on be disabled in the product, a TechnoTraveller spokesperson declared in a company press bulletin. The company’s hot selling item was the driving force behind TechnoTraveller’s dethroning of Google as Wall Street’s darling finding a need for cheap power on the road to fuel all electronic portable devices and warming people in cold climates by using high-efficient solar fuel cells weaved into a suit. TechnoTraveller stocks plummeted by more than 55%. The press bulletin further stated that although the recall will decrease profits and losing the Thermo-sweater feature will impact sales, there is no need for panic by shareholders and the future of solar clothing is still looking bright. The Tokyo coroner performing the autopsy is still trying to establish whether the cause of death was sixth-degree burns or electrocution.

Spanking and "The Belt" Get Reinstated In 17 More States - Lincoln, Nebraska, November 19 2015

Six months after Texas reinstated spanking and giving children "The Belt" as disciplinary tools, 17 states have followed suit, including larger states like California and Virginia. The newly legalized forms of these ways of corporal punishment are very strictly defined in the “Spanking Bill” that has been passed by the Texas legislature early this year and has been adopted without amendments by the other states. Parents and teachers are required to take a 4 hour course to become certified to make use of these correctional educational methods. Only with this certification is it allowed to apply these ways of disciplining for:

• Parents - only with their own children.


• Teachers - only with their own students.

Anything outside these limitations or not following the strict guidelines set by the Spanking Bill will make people subject to the "Sally Lieber Law", as it has become known as, a federal law that got accepted in 2009 and evolved from fining people who were practicing spanking to an minimum sentence of 2 years in prison after amendments in 2010. States have been looking for ways to opt out of this law, especially after studies in 2011 showed that households were being disrupted by this law, with sometimes one, sometimes both parents having to spend time in jail resulting in a spiraling down effect for families towards poverty and in many cases "other" forms of crime. The certification course is fully booked in Texas for the coming two years and the state is looking for expansion of their program into many locations statewide to try and keep up with demand.

Antique, intact IKEA "Billy" bookcase sells for 10 billion dollar – London, England, April 5th 2123

Sotheby's in London was pleased to see an item change hands for 10 billion dollars. An anonymous bidder from China called in the final bid. He purchased a "faux wood" IKEA Billy bookcase in mint condition and still in its original boxes for the astonishing amount of a 1 with 10 zeros. In 2008, the same Billy would have sold for $ 59.99. The IKEA "Billy" line of bookcases was one of the best selling items when IKEA was the number one retailer in the world in the late 1990's and early part of the 21st Century. An estimated one in four households worldwide in 2031 was said to have one of these now extremely rare pieces of furniture. IKEA spiraled downwards in the second half of the 21st Century after trying to make the transition to all-plastic products after the UN All-plastic Resolution of 2143 forbade any company to make use of trees and plants in their products. Companies like PlastoFurn and SynthoDesign that were already geared towards all-plastic drove IKEA out of the market with amazing speed to its bankruptcy in 2087. In the early 2100's people started collecting IKEA furniture and products and collectors have been driving prices up dramatically to the insane level that was reached today.

Caffeinated Burger Turns Out To Be Bestseller - Brussels, Belgium, September 18 2011

Quick, the Belgian fast food chain, started in the 1980's to counter the exponential growth of US based franchise fast food restaurants in Belgium, announced today that their recently introduced 'Wake Up Giant', is their best selling breakfast item and their second best overall item after the classic Giant. A local owner of one of the no. 1 franchise restaurants in France and Belgium in downtown Lyon, said it was amazing to see sales levels this high so short after the introduction. People's first reactions to the new 'Slap in the Face Burger' as it has been marketed, was 'Gross!', 'Revolting!' and to the French 'American!' (an insult in itself in France). People rejected the seemingly impossible combination right out, afraid that it would taste horribly. Jean Dupuis, the Novelties Product Manager at the Quick Burger Gourmet Institute in Lyon, explained that the caffeine cannot be tasted in the burgers. He made clear the caffeine is encapsulated by fat beads in the burger through a patented method and could not reveal any of the chemical and technical details. 'Once the fat beads get dissolved by enzymes in the stomach, the caffeine is released and the "slap in the face effect" will kick in', according to Dupuis. The burgers contain triple the amount of a Starbucks regular medium coffee. In a response to the fact that this item seems to be replacing the "French as French can be" breakfast classic the croissant more and more, Dupuis stated: 'Hey, at least it is a European invention.' McDonald's has announced it will launch new breakfast items next month, insiders in the fast food industry think it will be an answer to Quick's new best seller.